A U.S. district judge has ordered the NFL and its players to court-supervised mediation beginning this Thursday in Minneapolis. Who the Freak Cares! Bring me an agreement guaranteeing my team is on the field ready to kick butt come this September. Any other NFL news is unacceptable.
Well, there is one small piece of fantastic football news that's always acceptable and just rocks my boat. Its the Raiderette Preliminary Auditions.
The tryouts are in full swing and thank goodness the fantastic females cheerleading contracts are all one-year deals with following year favoritism I'm sure. They seem to be a lovely bunch of girls who are just happy to be there and enjoy entertaining with their brains, beauty and athleticism.
NFL cheerleaders do more than just shake their rumps on the field. They're ambassadors of the game traveling around the world and participating in humanitarian causes. They're assets to their communities and positive role models for young girls.
After all, nobody really wants to watch replacement cheerleaders attempting coordinated routines that were meant for "Real Cheerleaders." Unless of course they all look like the lustrous escort pictured above. Sorry folks, no phone number with ad.
Imagine the types of women a tryout for replacement NFL cheerleaders would lure. Pardon me, but if I wanted strippers with my football I'd watch games at Larry Flynt's Hustler's Club or Hooters. Here's a better example; ever seen a stripper who's routine was taken from her high school cheerleading squad? Exactly, you felt sorry for her and gave a tip in hopes of shooing her along.
Strippers........ I'm sorry, I mean exotic dancers, have no more business on a professional cheerleading squad than pro cheerleaders have slinking down a stripper pole at some gentlemen's club. And that's that!
So be thankful and appreciative for the dedication and hard work of the many young women chosen for an NFL cheerleading position. For if they weren't on the gridiron on Sunday, they might be at a local strip club near you, doing cartwheel splits into your lap.
I know, that was cold and uncalled for. Forgive me Lord!