Tuesday, November 29, 2005

"What goes on in the bus should stay on the bus"


This story really needs no introduction. Thanks Rod Brooks!
But please do yourself a favor and click on "Party Bus" link to see inside.

STRIPPERS ON BUS TAKE RIDE TO JAIL

By VALERIE KALFRIN vkalfrin@tampatrib.com

Published: Nov 29, 2005


TAMPA - -- Police raided a strip club on wheels parked near Raymond James Stadium on Sunday, complete with a disco ball and seven strippers performing lap dances for fans.

Police busted the "Party Bus," owned by Gala Transportation Inc. of Tampa and rented by the strip club Deja Vu, shortly before Sunday's kickoff between the Buccaneers and the Chicago Bears.

Eleven people were arrested, including the dancers, a club manager, a bouncer, and a customer accused of smoking marijuana.

Mitchell Scott Stone, 29, of Tampa, who owns and operates the bus, told investigators this is the fourth time Deja Vu's dancers have taken their show on the road to entertain Bucs fans near the stadium. Stone faces a misdemeanor charge of renting space for lewdness. Stone could not be reached for comment. He, the manager and bouncer also face two misdemeanor charges related to selling liquor without a license.

"I still have the question: Why bring this to a Bucs game?" Sgt. Bill Todd said.

Luke Lirot, the attorney representing Deja Vu and its arrested employees, said the club wanted to drum up business for its home at 6805 Adamo Drive, about 11 miles from the stadium.

He challenged the liquor charges, likening the bus to a tailgate party where people share beverages. Todd said charging admission for access to alcohol constitutes a sale.

Formerly a transit bus from Broward County, the 40-foot bus with black windows, plush seats, a brass pole and a dance floor sat in the police impound lot Monday.

Police seized $2,000 from the portable party and also impounded a 2003 Chevrolet Venture minivan owned by Deja Vu. The van is covered with a pink advertisement featuring photos of women and the license tag "SHOWGLS."

Police said Deja Vu rented the party bus, which is advertised online, for $500 for Sunday. Lirot said the vehicle also is used for "rolling bachelor parties."

Each dancer is accused of violating two city ordinances, prohibiting nudity in a commercial establishment and in a place where alcohol is sold. Each is punishable by up to a year in a county jail.

Those ordinances apply to zoning issues, not moral ones, Lirot said. "How would you have any zoning impact if you're in a different zone every few feet?" he said.

Undercover officers found the bus parked in Lot 14 in the 3300 block of West Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard after seeing people hand out fliers advertising the party onboard, Todd said.

Lirot said representatives for the club told him they obtained a permit to distribute the fliers. He did not know the exact language on the fliers.

Aside from a pink tarp hung outside the bus, the vehicle offered little inkling of the goings-on within, Todd said. Once each officer paid the $20 cover charge, they discovered the women in "various stages of undress," offering topless lap dances for $20 and nude lap dances for $40, he said.

Six to eight customers were inside, Todd said.

Police charged two dancers with a misdemeanor alleging they performed oral sex on each other, which Lirot disputed. "Simulating sexual activity is part of an exotic dance performance," he said.

Two dancers, Nohelia Terrell, 24, of St. Petersburg, and Katrena Wolf, 27, of Pinellas Park, were released from the Orient Road Jail on Sunday after posting bail. The others were released on their own recognizance, officials said.

Lirot said the business should not be punished for promoting exotic dance, which he called a form of expression protected by the First Amendment. As long as partygoers exercise discretion and do not violate state statutes, "what goes on in the bus should stay on the bus," he said.

"I still have the question: Why bring this to a Bucs game?"
TAMPA POLICE SGT. BILL TODD

Monday, November 28, 2005

Say it ain't so Michael Irvin

I must admit, I’m just as shocked as the average sports fan about Michael Irvin’s recent encounter with Plano,Texas police. Do I believe Irvin’s claim of innocence? Well, not without some doubt. His story sounds contrived and without merit. I still try to believe in the “innocent until proven guilty” theory. Michael was not caught in the act like Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Berry. He wasn’t trying to sell to an undercover agent like some retired football players recently. And he wasn’t high when the police arrested him as far as we know. Supposedly, Michael was on his way to a furniture store with his wife during daytime when he was pulled over for speeding. The only reason the car was searched was because of an outstanding traffic ticket. I guess in Texas an outstanding traffic ticket warrants a full search of the person and their vehicle.

I heard my boy on KNBR Sports Talk “Rod Brooks” say he now knows why Michael Irvin is the only TV Analyst who sided with T.O. these past few weeks. Rod said Michael sided with T.O. because he was high, clear and simple. Is there some truth to that? Rod was joking of course but sometimes jokes can bare bits of wisdom. We’ll have to let this story run it’s course before the truth is either confirmed or uncovered.

As for the Michael and T.O. relationship, I would've liked to have seen Drew Rosenhaus (T.O.'s agent) representing Michael at a press conference. To watch Drew deny that the pipe belonged to Michael while fielding questions about the incident would have been priceless. I picture it going down like this:

Reporter: Why did Michael Irvin not have the alleged friend come forward and clear him of ownership of the crack pipe?

Mr. Rosenhaus: Mr. Irvin wanted to protect his troubled friend from any further hardship in his life at this time.

Reporter: Mr. Rosenhaus, do you know the alleged friend who the crack pipe belongs to?

Mr. Rosenhaus: No, next question.

Reporter: Mr. Rosenhaus, is it true that Michael Irvin refused a drug test by police?

Mr. Rosenhaus: No, Next question.

Reporter: Mr. Rosenhaus, do you believe your client is telling the truth?

Mr. Rosenhaus: Mr. Irvin has done nothing wrong other than try to help a friend in need and fail to take care of a traffic violation in a timely manner.

Reporter: Does that mean that he’s not being charged for the used crack pipe found under the seat of his car?

Mr. Rosenhaus: What I’m saying is that we expect this mishap to be straightened out and Mr. Irvin cleared of any wrongdoing. Final question.

Reporter: Can you tell us whether the crack pipe was made of green glass with a Philadelphia Eagles emblem painted on it?

Mr. Rosenhaus: No further questions.

Inconsistency and QB issues sink Raiders against Dolphins

It's official. Raiders are not making this years playoffs. Lamont Jordan came out and finally admitted to that fact as well. Let's see, how do I explain what I saw at the Coliseum yesterday? One word pretty much sums up the entire first half, LETHARGIC.

At least Michael Irvin blamed the mysterious crack pipe on an unnamed friend. The Raiders had nobody to blame but themselves for their mysterious play against the Dolphins.

The Raiders came out on offense looking like they hadn't fully digested their Thanksgiving dinners. They looked slow, unfocused, uncaring and pretty much lost. A combination of our offensive line falling apart and Kerry Collins indecisiveness was part of the story in our offensvie futility. Miami's DE Jason Taylor might have been the other part of the story. The Dolphins on the other hand looked like they, coming in at 3-7, had something to prove and did. The Dolphins looked like a good team with a bad record. And even after making mistakes they were able to bounce back and not lose control of the game.

Our Defense, who've kept us in games the past few weeks, were obviously missing the push of Warren Sapp in the middle of the D-Line. Gus Ferotte stood in the pocket at times picking our out of position DB's apart. Though Derrick Burgess made his presence known with two sacks, too many times our defense looked overmatched. Gus Ferotte for God sakes.

Ricky Williams had some break away runs that made me question whether he should've been tested after the game for enhancing substances in his bloodstream. Ricky looked young and quick at times. Hats off to Ricky for coming back and being an asset to his team.

I hate hearing our fans boo our team at home, but their performance on the field was definitely deserving of booing. It hurt to watch and hear the fan mutiny in the stands but nobody was accecpting those Raiders as Our Raiders. One fan said that if Kerry or Norv were to come up into the stands they'd never leave alive, and I believed him. Many fans questioned Norv's decision to punt the ball away on 4th and 1 around midfield with approx. six minutes left in the game. I understood Norv's reluctance to go for it though I would've supported either call.

So here we find ourselves back in the nightmare that was last season with no light in sight at the end of the tunnel. I say let's get rid of what we all know is a huge part of the problem on offense, Kerry Collins, and give the backups some needed playing time in preparation for next season. Al should begin talks with either a new offensive coordinator or head coach. I believe Norv is a decent coach being given bad advice, kinda like George Bush. Remember, Bush in all appearances looks like a regular Joe, too country common to make the global mistakes that have been attributed to him. It's always the smarter advisors that surround the leadership who are responsible for the leaders bad decisions. Maybe it's time to pull the troops out of Iraq not because we're not winning, but because it's been discovered that the advice for going to war was flawed and misleading.

But if Norv has lost his nerve to Lead then it is time for a change at that spot. Al should begin searching for that Leadership soon. If Chicago can win with a 2nd year head coach (Lovie Smith) and strong defense, then the Raiders should be able to build on what they have with adding new leadership. Do I hear Herm Edwards name being thrown around in Raiderland?

Sure, I'll continue rooting for my team and going to the remaining games. I have no choice, Do or Die I'm a Raider for Life. So for those fans who are bashing the team and thinking of abandoning ship, I question your commitment to the Raider Nation. You wouldn't abandon your family during a crisis would you? It's okay to be mad with family, but you don't join with enemy forces to bring the family down. As Michael Corleone told his brother Freddy in "The Godfather": Never take sides against the family, Ever. We all know what eventually happened to Freddy. He Got Whacked!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Have A Raiders Thanksgiving












Although we all plan to Gobble Up some turkey meat this Thanksgiving, let's save some room for some phish come Sunday when the Dolphins come to town to play the Raiders.

We'll also be celebrating our "Bring Your Bong for Ricky Day" on Sunday in acknowldegement of returning humboldt hemp graduate Miami RB Ricky Williams. Heck I might just take a hit for old times sake myself. So dig out those old Ricky Williams dreds to wear to the game and win yourself a nice fuzzy green bud of some sticky icky. Cause it ain't sticky if you ain't Ricky.

Happy Thanksgiving Day 2005 and remember there's no fans like Raiders Fans!

Oh, and ladies, please vist the High Times page for information on how to enter the "Miss High Times" competition of 2005. It's Smoking.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Catch



The catch this past weekend by 49ers wide receiver Brandon Lloyd was a spectacular grab. He's a young receiver to watch for down the road. But his catch was not as great as my favorite Raiders catch by Ronald Curry last season.

Lloyd's catch didn't score a touchdown, he didn't have to adjust his body to the ball other than reaching with an outstretched hand, weather was not a factor and the game was not on the line at the time. And lest we forget, the 49ers didn't win the game.

But I'm no hater when it comes to the whiners, it was a highlight catch. But I'll never get tired of seeing the Ronald Curry catch against Denver on Sunday night in the snow. It was a thing of beauty and the Raiders were victorious that night.

Syringe-wielding man is arrested

SAN FRANCISCO
Syringe-wielding man is arrested

Jaxon Van Derbeken

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


A man who allegedly used a blood-filled syringe to commit robberies was arrested after he returned to the same store near Union Square that he hit three days before, police said Monday.

Jonathan Black, 24, a transient, was caught last week when security guards at Banana Republic recognized him from Nov. 13, when he allegedly shoplifted from the store at 256 Grant Ave., police said.

Police said Black had begun using the syringe to threaten victims on Nov. 12, when he went into Fortress Telecom, at 878 Sacramento St., and tried to take a laptop computer.

The next day, Black -- this time dressed as a woman -- allegedly went into the Banana Republic store at 6:05 p.m. and shoplifted $204 worth of leather gloves. When two store security officers confronted Black outside the store, he pulled out an uncapped hypodermic needle in a stabbing motion and said he had HIV, said Lt. John Loftus.

On Nov. 16, Black returned to the clothing store, this time dressed as a man. He was spotted inside by the same security guard he had threatened before. He had the syringe with him, but he was arrested without incident, Loftus said.

Raider Legend's Comments:

Personally, I feel the syringe wielding guy in Bangkok a few years ago was much sicker than this guy. He was worse for three reasons:

1. He didn't have a motive when he stabbed a woman in a park
2. His syringe was filled with Cobra Venom
3. He hasn't been caught

Read the full story Cobra Venom

Monday, November 21, 2005

Some people call me Maurice

Okay Raider Fans. Who can remember the 1973 song these lyrics came from?

"Some People Call Me Maurice"

After the lyrics a funky sounding synthesizer makes a Kazoo type of sounnd. While listening to Rod Brooks on sports talk 1050am I heard him throw out those lyrics along with the synthesizer sound. Rod's that cross between ole skool new skool that makes sports talk fun listening without being over-silly. I used to picture Rod as a tall David Chappelle, until I saw him hosting one of the Raider Rallies.

I remember Rod when the ticket 1050 had "The Brooks and Paulie Show." Now that was a true Raiders Flagship station and helped me catch up on my Raiders history. Brooks and Paulie had some of the best radio talk game give-aways. Some of the games I remember were "Dead or Alive" and "Black Guy White Guy." I think I have one taped episode somewhere in my dusty cassette collection. They were the pioneers of great soundbites from classic movies like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and other party films.

Rod Brooks is now a seasoned veteran of Radio who gives it to you straight. He always attempts to present his arguement in a clear concise manner and gives the caller a chance to make himself look like a sports genius or idiot, it all depends on your presentation.

Though Rod is a Houston native and still cheers for anything in a Houston Jersey, he's a Raider fan and supporter and I believe he still attends Raider home games at the Oakland Coliseum. Keep representin Rod.

So, have you guessed the name of the song yet?

Here it is!


Artist: Steve Miller Band
Song: Space Cowboy
Album: Best Of 1968-73
[" Best Of 1968-73 " CD]

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
Cause I speak of the pompitous of love

People talk about me, baby
Say I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong
Well, don't you worry baby
Don't worry
Cause I'm right here baby, right here, right here, right here at home

Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one

Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin on the run
Wooo Woooo
Wooo Hooooo

You're the cutest thing
That I ever did see
I really love your peaches
Want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Ooo-eee baby, I'll sure show you a good time

Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin on the run

Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one

People keep talking about me baby
They say I'm doin' you wrong
Well don't you worry, don't worry, no don't worry mama
Cause I'm right here at home

You're the cutest thing I ever did see
Really love your peaches want to shake your tree
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time
Come on baby and I'll show you a good time

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Raiders Win with Defense

Did you see the Raiders Defense today? Well I almost missed it all. I vowed to attend church and pray for Kerry and Norv. So while I was in church praying like a sinner, the Raiders were stinking up the first half with penalties, turnovers and what I hear a missed Jano Field goal. But you gotta give credit to us sinners who still believe in Raider Dominance.

I arrived home from church to see Kerry Collins being blessed with better decision making. He'd thrown an interception in the first half that was run back for a touchdown, memories of last weekend against the Broncos. However, in this second half Kerry made at least five straight completions on a drive that culminated in seven Raider points. Then the Defense got down right nasty and Derrick Burgess showed pro bowl style pressure. The defense held the Redskins to a few three downs and out series allowing our offense to use the clock and make plays.

Jerry Porter and Doug Gabriel made back to back big gains on passing plays that should have culminated in a touchdown. But Norv's play calling on first and goal at the two became very suspect and predictable. I still question some of Norv's offensive play calling. It seems he may be calling plays that limit collins decision making, which is a needed evil unfortunately. Granted, Zack Crocket should have caught the badly thrown ball from collins for a touchdown, but in the end the field goal held up, so Kerry's off the hook.

The Raiders may not make the playoffs this year, but they'll definitely be feared by those teams they'll play who have a shot at the playoffs. We finally have a defense that can pressure a quarterback. Now it's just a better offensive game plan and a confident quarterback.

final
Raiders 16
Redskins 13

Monday, November 14, 2005

Defensive Opportunities Wasted by Kerry Collins Collapse

The Denver Broncos were not much better than the Raiders on Sunday. But when your quarterback and offense are having a very bad day it can make the opponent look superior. Such was the Raiders loss to the Broncos yesterday. A day that may have spelled the end to the Raiders chances of making the playoffs this season.

The day was such a gorgeous fall afternoon for a football game in the Bay. Sellout at the Coliseum with all the tailgating festivities that go along with a Raider Nation party. My favorite tailgating highlight, actually there were two but the 475horse powered Raider 68 Camaro is deserving of a story to itself, was the guy carrying around a homemade beer chugging contraption that could accomodate up to eight brave beer chuggers at no cost. Only requirement to take a dive on the chugger was to BYOB(bring your own brew). You simply poured your beer into the top of one of the 1.5 inch diameter hoses until full. Once the carrier of the device lifted it in the air the contraction resembled an octopus with baby octpusses ready to feed at each of it's tentacles. On the count of three each baby octo (Raider Fan Guzzler) would open his red tap lever with his mouth positioned at that end of the hose to let in a full flow of brew with gravitational pressure pushing it into his gut. Think of it as a big bong being filled with brew and you've tilted it upwards to allow for a nonstop flow straight into your mouth. Only at a Raider Tailgate. I hope to post a pic of the contraption once I download the pictures.

I must say that the parking lot was jumping with all kinds of activities. A runner up in ingenuity, and boy were there some creations out there, were some stuff animals. Someone had put a Denver Broncos jersey and helmet on a stuffed Donkey and had it bent over on all fours with it's head to the ground. Riding on it's rear with what must've been running on eveready energizer batteries was a chihuahua stuffed dog with a Black Raiders Jersey and sunglasses humping (via pelvic thrusts) the stuffed Donkey like there was no tomorrow. The scene drew laughs from all that passed by it and I couldn't help but place a can of budweiser on the back of the Donkey while Raider Chihuahua was humping away. I believe the song playing in the background was "Who Let the Dogs Out."

Anyways, back to the game. Our defense gets game balls all around. They limited the Bronco offense and gave our offensive unit plenty of opportunities, some golden. But Kerry Collins was rattled by the many Bronco blitzes and we all know Kerry when he's pressured. Three interceptions, passes off the mark, balls thrown away when flushed out of the pocket. Hell, there was one throw Kerry made towards one of our streaking receivers in the endzone that a fan in the stands caught. That drew more applause than many plays by Kerry throughout the day. I want to spread the blame to other offensive players, many dropped balls by receivers, but Kerry's dismal play was so obvious that I feel a better leader would've pulled this one out.

We had a chance thanks to our defense causing two fumbles in the fourth quarter, but Kerry and the offense just weren't up to the task. The final stake in the heart was an out pass Kerry threw that everyone but him saw as disaster waiting to happen. The covering DB jumped in front of Jerry Porter intercepting the ball and running it back eighty yards for the final Broncos touchdown. The Raiders were crushed and us fans........exasperated.

I agree with what one of the newspapers stated today when they suggested that Norv Turner put too much responsibility on Kerry Collins in expecting him to beat Denver with his passing. It was clear that the Raiders came out wanting to pass against Denver who's ranked 28th in pass defense. But you can't scrap your running game Norv, not with Kerry at the helm and a Denver Defense pressuring all day.

So in the end it was a gallant effort by our defense in a losing cause to a team not much better than the Raiders. The one thing I believe all Raider fans were convinced of yesterday was that we need a Quarterback. Kerry's legacy will go down as Mr. Inconsistant and he's well deserving of that title. Great arm, terrible under pressure and unable to read defenses quick enough. Exasperating.

Miami is up next on the road. Is there really any reason to care anymore? Exasperating.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Crime Scene













While browsing a personals website I came across this pic of what appears to be a staged crime scene. The profile on the page was of a single swinging 38 year old female looking for male fun and friendship in and around San Francisco. There were no other pictures on the page and not much personal information. The page last shows her logging in back in June of this year. Sure makes you wonder doesn't it? So, with my wild imagination I concocted this story.


So many stories in this one scene.

Let's see, could it be the arm of the boyfriend on the floor, the ex-boyfriend? You've broken up with him for the final time and he's been trying to reach you for the past week. His last voicemail message left on your home phone said he understood you needed time and therefore he'd give you all the time you’d need. Before hanging up he asked that you think of the good times you had together and forgive him for the drunkenness and lies. It's obvious he's had a few drinks before making the call. His slurring isn't as bad as usual, but it's there with the background sounds of barroom chatter and country music.

You now sit with the two city detectives from homicide unit answering questions in your living room, away from the messy kitchen and unmoved corpse. The crime photo guy isn’t quite finished taking pictures of the bloody scene. The coroner is waiting patiently in the outer hallway enjoying what smells like a pipe full of imported vanilla tobacco, the kind your dad once smoked.

You're not a suspect; at least that's what the lead detective has led you to believe. They just need some questions answered and the main question obviously is "How do you know the victim?"

They'd already played the voicemail message on your machine and had pretty much surmised that the cold corpse lying in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor with a bullet hole tunneling from under his chin up through the top of what’s left of his head was an ex-boyfriend. But they needed to hear you say it and hear just how you'd say it.

And so you begin telling them how you broke off your relationship with him a week ago and how he took it kinda hard. He offered to marry you but you refused him stating that he needed to work out his drinking problem first. You last spoke to him two days ago and asked that he stop calling or you’d change your number. You tell them that he was not a violent man.

You proceed to tell the detectives about a guy you'd recently met who picked you up around 7pm last night from your waterfront cottage house. He took you to dinner at the Italian restaurant, Antonio's, down near the boardwalk, afterwards taking you to the Biggio Nightclub where you both drank and danced, having a wonderful time. He then dropped you off in front of your cottage gate around 1am this morning, where you thanked the guy for a wonderful evening and wished him a goodnight. You asked that he not get out and walk you to your door.

The only interruption of your story came here, where the lead detective asks what your dates name was and why didn't you invite him in? You pause to gather your thoughts trying to answer without the appearance of a liar. You tell the detective the guy's name, or at least what he told you his name was, and that you never sleep with a guy on the first date. Besides, you'd only met him a few days ago and knew nothing about him other than his cellular number and the tales he told over dinner.

Once you finish telling how you'd entered the cottage, used the bathroom then walked into the kitchen where you found the victim lying on the floor in a pool of blood motionless, you ask if they found a suicide note or anything? Here the detectives look at one another then back at you suspiciously. You say in the most innocent voice you can muster up, "well didn't he shoot himself?" That's when the lead detective gives you the Miranda reading informing you of your right to remain silent and that anything you say can be used against you in the court of law.

You now lose your composure and begin cursing the detectives and spitting out that you didn't kill him, you didn't do it. You nervously look around the room hoping that someone will stop the madness and call timeout or maybe let you in on the joke. But deep down you know it's no joke and you've been caught. Cornered like a wounded animal and after hearing your being arrested you jump up and dash to the kitchen in hopes of retrieving the Uzi hidden in the broiler beneath the stove. Your only thoughts are of going out in a blaze of man killing gunfire.

You make it to the kitchen where the coroner is just zipping the corpse into a body bag, his pipe still between his dry lips exhaling vanilla tobacco smoke. You reach into the broiler, pull out the Uzi, clip already in place, and turn to see three men, two with handguns drawn, staring at you in shock and horror. The two detectives didn’t think to follow police protocol when following behind you into the kitchen. You got the drop on them and mowed them down right where they stood cramped together in the kitchen doorway, now a crumpled heap of human waste. Neither had gotten off a round.

With the Uzi still smoking you look down at the coroner who's on his knees looking back and forth fearfully between you and the pump shotgun still on the floor. He knows it's the moment of truth for him. Will he beg for his life or try for the shotgun? He raises his hands in the air and asks you to spare his life, pleading that he's got a son graduating from high school next week. You look at him coldly, his pipe still smoldering between dry lips, and ask what kind of tobacco he's smoking? The coroner stares back at you in complete confusion and asks "what?" You ask again what type of tobacco is in the pipe? He says it's a rare vanilla tobacco imported from Europe. You tell him how you hate vanilla tobacco, especially European imported. He makes his move and gets within inches of the shotgun before you riddle him with bullets. He falls over on his back, blood bubbling from his mouth as his body twitches twice then relaxes into a dead stillness. His body settles almost into the exact same spot of the previous corpse before he’d placed it in the body bag.

With mad thoughts of that crazed father of yours, who'd beaten your mother and made you watch when you were just a kid, you step over the graying dead body of the coroner on your way to do battle with the rest of the crazed men in society. You'll kill'em all just as you'd done to your father when you got old enough to pull a trigger. And they still haven't caught you.

And so the dead arm shown in the picture is of the coroner that you killed in the kitchen. You came back to the scene of the crime with the camera of the police photographer you killed after leaving the kitchen. Poor bastard was taking a shit when the gun action started. He made the mistake of flushing just as you came out of the kitchen, never having a chance. You came back and took a few pictures for your webpage. This picture being that of the pump shotgun you supposedly used to kill your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend. The police would never discover the name of this supposed boyfriend who now lay coffined inside a body bag next to the body of the dead coroner. You think how ironic that the coroner now needs a coroner to pronounce him dead and bag him up.

Funny how of all the men you've killed, the coroner was the only one you felt a bit sad about killing. Not because he had a son about to graduate high school but because you'd hoped to torture him for a while before killing him. But his reaching for the shotgun made torturing a moot point. Killing him so quickly, this man who reminded you so much of your cruel, pipe smoking father, cheated you out of watching him suffer through pain. You wanted him to feel the pain inflicted on you and your mom by a woman hating tobacco smelling crazed man.

So instead of quickly leaving the scene of the crime you decide to perform one last act of vengeance. You grab the big machete from the kitchen knife drawer, pull the pants then underwear off the coroner’s corpse - which just so happen to be a pair of fuscia colored Victoria’s secret lace undies, the sick bastard – and proceeded to hack off his limp penis and genitals. You throw the slimy parts into a pot of boiling water with onions on a stove streaked in blood.

You hope to send a message to whoever finds this massacre that a "Bad Bitch" was behind all this. A “Bad Bitch” with a Sicko Pipe Smoking Father who taught her what a beast men could be, and what a bitch revenge is.

The five posthumously castrated bodies are found approximately four hours later after smoke is seen coming out of the cottage apartment. There’s no sign of you or the Uzi that mowed down the detectives, coroner and shit wiping photographer. All they find as evidence are the Pump Shotgun, five bodies and a big burning vat of what was later analyzed by the crime lab to be five boneless Onion Flavored penis stubs burnt to a crisp with no sign of the missing genitals.

Hours later, in the back of the replacement coroner’s van on it’s way to drop off five bodies at the police station a cell phone rings unnoticed in a pocket of one of the corpses. Somehow police had missed removing it. If someone were to check the cellular voicemail they’d hear the following message left by our Bad Bitch:

Thanks for such a wonderful evening. I enjoyed the dinner and night of dancing. You’d probably still be alive and handsome if you hadn’t felt obligated to escort me to my front door and begin forcing yourself on me. I would have probably invited you in on our second date, but you just couldn’t control yourself could you? So I did myself and other women a favor by ridding us of one more asshole. I wish you were alive to answer me this one question. Why is it that an intelligent man, such as yourself, loses all his senses when a naked woman offers herself on a kitchen table? When you get to the gates of hell I hope you tell Lucifer that this “Bad Bitch” gave you a blowjob to die for, with ice cubes and all. Bet your wishing for those ice cubes now aren’t you Romeo? You probably thought the shotgun barrel placed under your chin was my cold tongue slithering upwards after pleasing you down below. Didn’t take much to get you on your back atop that kitchen table did it? The blast was so powerful that it blew your crown clear across the room near the stove. Your body rolled off the table settling perfectly on the floor. With the shotgun well placed near your body the scene was an ideal suicide setting. As for my boyfriend, I did him earlier in the week. How’s it feel to be number two Romeo?

Unfortunately for the case, the cell phone never made it to the police evidence unit. It vanished, as did the “Bad Bitch” responsible for all this carnage. She’s out there somewhere. Men, you’ve been warned.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Our Defense Broke at the End

Coulda, shoulda but in the end we let another one slip by us. The dagger stuck in my chess prevents me from typing more.

Raiders Lose A Close One!

Let the game begin












Twenty minutes until kick off. This game is huge for us. With Denver coming up next week at home, we beat the chiefs and the worm turns. And to beat them in their house would be all the more impressive. Back to back road wins can do wonders for a team.

KC is banged up at RB and I don't see trent green turning into Trent Manning for a day. I'm predicting that our defense will make the plays tha'll make a difference. If they shut down Tony Gonzalez (double up) we should be able to contain their passing game.

Let's play!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

You Don't Want To Jump, Here's Why








Though I've never even come close to considering jumping off of a bridge, any bridge, I've thought about what it would feel like to fall off and hit the water from such a height.

The San Francisco Chronicle is printing a series of articles on Suicide by Bridge. There's a huge debate that's been going on about whether to put a barrier up on the scenic Golden Gate bridge in efforts to prevent "jumpers."

I found this description of what occurs to a jumper after he hits the water very enlightening. Hopefully it will enlighten any would be jumpers out there to just pick up a phone and dial suicide prevention. There are phones at or on the bridge for these purposes. The alternative to making that call is not what I'd call going out in style.

excerpt from Lethal Beauty: The Barrier Debate
san francisco chronicle


Suicide by bridge is gruesome, and death is almost certain. People have survived the fall, but not many. You might survive if you hit the water feet first and come in at a slight angle.

The impact is tremendous. The body goes from roughly 75 to 80 mph to nearly zero in a nanosecond. The physics of inertia being what they are, internal organs tend to keep going. The force of impact causes them to tear loose. Autopsy reports typically indicate that the jumpers have lacerated aortas, livers, spleens and hearts. Ribs are often broken, and the impact shoves them into the heart or lungs. Jumpers have broken sternums, clavicles, pelvises and necks. Skull fractures are common.

Which means you die one of two ways, or a combination of both. One, you hit the water and the impact kills you. Sometimes the jumper is knocked unconscious. Other times, the jumper survives for a time. The person can be seen flailing about in the water, trying to stay afloat, only to succumb to the extensive internal bleeding. Death can take seconds or minutes. Two, you drown. You hit the water going fast, and your body plunges in deep. Conscious or otherwise, you breathe in saltwater and asphyxiate

Quote: The main cause of depression is not a lack of material necessities but a deprivation of the affection of others.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption


There's a guy like me in every state and federal prison in America, I guess - I'm the guy who can get it for you. Tailormade cigarettes, a bag of reefer if you're partial to that, a bottle of brandy to celebrate your son or daughter's high school graduation, or almost anything else...within reason, that is. It wasn't always that way.

Above is the first paragraph in the story written by Stephen King, the same story that the movie Shawshank Redemption was based on. I decided to read the story after years of proclaiming the movie to be the best prison movie ever. Why I must've seen the movie no less than ten times over the years and each time is almost as good as the first, a sure sign of a great movie.

In reading the book I found the voices of the movie's characters as well as their faces filling my head. It was a fun experience, but I often found myself comparing the two stories as I read, which is not the best way to enjoy a story. So I vowed early in my reading to let go of my preconceptions of what the story should be and just sit back and enjoy the book, letting the story unfold in front of me.

I couldn't do it. From that first paragraph I could hear Morgan Freeman's voice just as clear as ever. The actual narrator of the story in the book, also named "Red", is not a Black man but Irish, and that somehow takes away from the special friendship established in the movie between Andy and Red.

I did enjoy the book mind you, but I don't think I would've enjoyed it as much had I not had the sights and sounds of the movie to fill in the blanks. Usually its the other way around where a book is so much better and has so much more detail than the movie, but that just wasn't so in this case.

Again, I think anyone who has seen the movie and then reads the book will enjoy the book. But I don't think the book added anything to the story that made it better. On the contrary, it was the movie that took a mediocre story and made it special. Nothing against the writings of Stephen King, but in comparing the book and the movie I wonder if maybe King's story was cut down for marketing purposes. Maybe the movie allowed King the format to give his story it's full range to reach it's total potential. Either way we as readers and movie goers are treated to a very enjoyable experience in the story Shawshank Redemption.

I guess I should give more praise to the book. There were some lessons to be learned about the effects of prison life on an individual. The reason for Rita Hayworth being part of the book's title is also made clear in the book.

Here's a part from the book where "Red" (Morgan Freeman) is talking about what its like once a convict's been in for awhile, like himself, and gets "institutionalized":


When you take away a man's freedom and teach him to live in a cell, he seems to lose his ability to think in dimensions. He's like the jackrabbit I mentioned, frozen in the oncoming lights of the truck that is bound to kill it. More often than not a con who's just out will pull some dumb job that hasn't a chance in hell of succeeding...and why? Because it'll get him back inside. Back where he understands how things work.