Monday, July 24, 2006

Newly Crowned Miss Universe Collapses at Press Conference

So much good and bad news yesterday that I’m not sure just what to write about. Tiger wins British Open with emotion, SF Giants Armando Benitez blows another save opportunity, Israeli warplanes bomb fleeing Lebanese civilians, now that’s news.
But there was this one bit of info that caught my attention. It’s the “Ah Ha!” story of the day. Young, beautiful and most likely not talented but who cares, Miss Puerto Rico won the 2006 Miss Universe Pageant then later collapsed into the arms of a stage assistant, the lucky bastard. Reports are that’s she’s okay.

What caught my attention, besides the pretty latina face, was the suspicion surrounding her collapse. One report confirmed that she’d eaten (ruling out bulemia), another said her dress was beaded and heavy (if that's heavy then we're all wearing metal armor), a third cited the hot weather in Los Angeles, mind you the new Miss Universe is from Puerto Rico; excuse my ignorance but isn’t Puerto Rico closer to the equator than L.A.? One report even hinted to her high heels possibly causing vertigo.

So what did cause this beauty to collapse into the arms of a pageant assistant 40 minutes after eliciting just enough physical effort to wave a hand in triumph while pushing tears down those beautifully sculpted Caribbean cheeks of hers? Could it be she’s a SF Giants fan and heard the news of Armando Benitez blowing another save? I doubt it. Maybe thoughts of dining with the weird looking Donald Trump, who seems to be getting plumper with every appearance, was just too overwhelming for her. Is it possible she really wants to tackle “World Peace” and the violence over this weekend touched her heart so? Who knows? One thing is for sure though, next to my Raiderettes she’s the most beautiful champion that’s ever donned this here blog, whether she be triumphantly waving, tearfully thanking or exhaustively fainting on stage. She won her competition fair and square and nobody’s going to take that away. No Balco or Grand Jury investigations here folks. Just a natural beauty outclassing the competition. But you never know when some newspaper journalists might get the idea to try their hands at writing an accusational book. Beware those chronicling beasts out their beauty. They'll dig up enough dirt to retire you early.

Congratulations Miss Puerto Rico for winning the 2006 Miss Universe Pageant.

No comments: