Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Please, Don't Call This "Puppy Love"

Remember when then President Bill Clinton infamously stated "I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman?" Imagine the shock and disgust if "That Woman" turned out to be "That Animal?" Caca Pasa. Yes my friends, shit happens, and it gets stranger and weirder by the day.

Case and point, a man (not former Prez. Clinton thank goodness) fought the law and lost on a charge so unheard of and disgusting that I'm embarassed to write about it. But, as someone with a blog who reports on weird and unusual stories I just couldn't resist. Actually I heard a lawyer's talk radio show discussing the legal ramifications of the case and I chose to do a little research on necrobeastiality (sex with a dead animal) to better understand what would drive a sane human being to perform such an act. I must admit, after perfusing the net it didn't take long for me to give up the search.

The article below addresses the legal issue surrounding the act. I understand how this can be seen as a crime, but lowly lawyers are paid the bucks to argue otherwise. And here's the scary part; the alleged necrophobe is not the first to to be discovered in the act of having sexual relations with a dead animal. I'm still leaning toward this story being an Urban Legend, but you be the judge, that is if you have the stomach to read on.

Here's the article from "The Legal Reader":

Way back in November 2006 I posted about a young man named Bryan James Hathaway of Douglas County, Minnesota who was arrested for having sex with a deer carcass he found on the side of the road while bicycling. He was charged with violating a law against "sexual gratification with an animal."

His clever lawyer tried to argue that a dead deer is not technically an "animal" and that the law Hathaway was charged with violating was intended to protect living animals, so he could not have violated it.

The even more clever judge disagreed, somewhat dubiously holding that the no-sex-with-animals law was "essentially the legislature's effort to codify what is legally unacceptable in society with respect to human behavior," and not a law intended to protect living animals from harm.

Today the good Lord has brought us the strangely similar story of one Ronald E. Kuch, from Bay County, Michigan:

Bay County Circuit Judge Joseph K. Sheeran ruled Friday that even though Michigan law does not explicitly define sex with a dead dog as a crime, charges against a Saginaw man will stand.

Sheeran set a trial date of May 8 for the trial, when Ronald E. Kuch, 45, of Saginaw will face charges of sodomy, indecent exposure and resisting and obstructing an Animal Control officer. If convicted of either of the first two charges, Kuch will then have a hearing on May 30, at which Sheeran will determine whether Kuch is a ''sexually delinquent person.'' If so, the judge could sentence Kuch to prison for any amount of time, from one day to a year, on top of the sentence from the initial charges, which carry up to 15 years in prison.

Kuch's defense attorney, Kathryn Fehrman, argued that Michigan's statute on sodomy and bestiality is vague and does not outlaw sex with a dead dog. Kuch is accused of sexual contact with the carcass of his girlfriend's dog on Oct. 20, about a week after the animal had been hit by a car. The alleged crime occurred near the Forest Day Care Center, 2169 W. Midland Road, on a school day. The teacher was leading an Animal Control officer to the dead dog so he could dispose of it when the pair discovered Kuch, who allegedly scuffled with the officer before fleeing into the woods.

Note that Mr. Kuch was doing this "about a week after the animal had been hit by a car . . . ." That means one of two things: Either 1) the dead dog was frozen solid; or 2) it stank like hell. Either way, it couldn't have been that much fun. Note also that it was "his girlfriend's dog . . . ." She must be very, very proud.

CLick here for article about "Michigan going to the dogs" by HammerUncut.

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