Thursday, May 02, 2024

Lawyer Cross-Examines Doctor



Q = Lawyer
A = Doctor

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


I'm not one for bashing lawyers, or doctors for that matter, but when I read the above interchange between a doctor accused of malpractice, and the prosecuting attorney, I laughed out loud. Visions of a highly educated doctor calmly and confidently answering questions directed at him in the witness box from a stalking, snake-like lawyer immediately come to mind. 

As any good prosecuting lawyer would do on cross-examination of a defendant, he tries punching holes into the defendant's previous testimony with the defendant still on the witness stand. 


Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

This is where the stalking-snake lawyer so arrogantly slithers unexpectedly into his own concocted trap. He has mistakenly slithered too far into a field of questioning (medical diagnosis) advantageous to the doctor.


A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Here, the doctor calmly and confidently insults the lawyer's intelligence, nudging his ego to commit a defense of his arrogance. The snake has crossed the point of no return.


Q: "But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?"

The legal snake tries desperately to wriggle his way out of the trap, only to entangle himself more completely in its grasp. The die is cast. The doctor only needs to deliver the fatal blow.


A: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."

Yes, A brainless lawyer could still be alive AND PRACTICING LAW in this courtroom. 


And there you have it, a simple scene taking place in a courtroom where a man-snake in the legal field (lawyer) tries outsmarting a doctor, not using legalese methods but instead with clever medical questions which would backfire in his face. Humorous! 



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