Dreaming A Soldier’s Nightmare
It is 3AM, and I have just awakened from a nightmare that was not of my own making. I found myself seperated from my touring group in a war torn foreign land, only to be attacked, despised and hounded like an enemy of the state. I resorted to being what any human being finding itself in such harsh conditions would succumb to; nature’s animalistic survivor. I lived what seemed like a lifetime under primitive fear,fight and/or flight rules. Where faith and trust have left the building, replaced by suspicion and killer instincts. Its a condition that no civilized human being should be forced into. And yet I was projected into such an environment and somehow survived.
When I fought it was with abandon. No thoughts of consequences, no thoughts of a tomorrow. When I ran and/or hid there was no feeling of shame or sadness. I had become the ancient animal in me who’s bodily, mental and emotional functions were resharpened to do what homosapiens of eras past were bred to do; survive.
The fact that I was fighting off and running from other human beings and not carnivorous beasts did not lessen or alter my will to survive. I had stopped analyzing the danger to my being in order to become a beast of my own making; armed to the teeth with an aggressive kill and not be killed mindset. To all intents and purposes I was lost to the tenents of civil humanity, relying solely on animal instincts...
But for the grace of God, human civility in the form of a mother and child found and offered me food, sanctuary and kindness even as I threatened to bring my living hell into their humble home. The fog of fear, anger and distrust was soon lifted and replaced with human acts of kindness.. Life began to feel humane again.
When finally, I was repatriated with my touring group I felt like a young wolf cub being reunited with the pack. But I wasn’t young anymore. As I locked in to those familiar eyes of one of my brothers, wet tears and choking cries began escaping us both as we grabbed each others faces and pressed out foreheads together. That moment of recognition, of knowing that another being shares with and understands the nightmares you suffered through, is one of the most human experiences I have ever had. To have walked in another man’s shoes and find him waiting at the end of your treacherous journey with arms open and eyes crying for you. Its enough to turn a savage into a saint.
The blessing is not that you lost something and rediscovered it, but that what you rediscovered was greater than that which you lost. With great suffering comes even greater discovery, if we are strong and willing to survive the fear and pain.
How much better a human being after suffering through crisis. War, poverty, disease, hunger, abuse, grief. What people deserving of being on this planet today did not sprout from ancestors who suffered together and survived to build a foundation for civil communion. We are all decendants of survivors who at some point had to look into the dark abyss of their animal instincts and learn what it means to be truly human. Enlightenment through contrasting perceptions. And if need be, to use our animal instincts without becoming our animal instincts. The warning is that there’s a fine line in being something and becoming something else.
Some crisis in life are natural disasters and unavoidable, and some like War and Abuse are of mankind’s making. The former we can expect civilization to live and die with. But the latter should never be allowed to exist in any society that sees another as his or her brother, sister, mother, father or child. We must slay that internal beast who is always chasing and attempting to plant fear and distrust in our being. For we as human beings are most beastly when we see others not as we see ourselves, and most beautiful when we see others as ourselves.
Privilege can be just as blinding as envy.
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